The Art of Changemaking

Now that I’m officially 30 I can look back on the decade that was and relive all the lessons of my twenties. It was truly a great decade, a great time to explore my youth and discover myself. It was the time for a lot of experimentation, a lot of trial and error in so many facets of my life–and I stumbled and fell but also got back up with grace. The best part is that I’ve learned SO MUCH from that time that I am now able to fully welcome and embrace my thirties, grateful for everything I bring with me and everything else that’s yet to come.

So if YOU’re still in your twenties, here are some things YOU can look forward to and learn from.

1. Yes, the Twenties can bring a lot of angst. Between struggling with career choices and love choices and defining who you really are and what you really want to do and be, the Twenties can be a loooong (and sometimes intense) period of angst. There will be so many questions left unanswered, so many what-ifs, so many crossroads, to many moments of great anxiety and TEARS.

In hindsight, some of the questions weren’t as important as others, and other situations weren’t as worrisome as I had once thought they would be, but when you’re right in the middle of the situation it’s sometimes difficult to deal with things gracefully and without panicking your brains off.

Through it all I sought inspiration from a famous quote from the poet Rainer Maria Rilke, who wrote these immortal lines over a century ago, in his book Letters to a Young Poet (1903):

…I would like to beg you dear Sir, as well as I can, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.

2. The Twenties will also bring A LOT of love. If you’re in your twenties and aren’t in love yet, YOU WILL BE. And then you’ll fall out of love, and then back in, and then get confused, and then get some clarity. With each relationship you will refine your concept of love and commitment, further defining yourself in the process.

The best love gift that my Twenties have brought me was reconnecting me with an old friend who shared the same love for country and passion for creative changemaking. I followed the signs around me as I was discerning about the path that our friendship was to take, and, now, over six years later, I am sharing a life with the man who also shares my birthday.

Through my relationships, I found myself guided by this bit of wisdom from Paulo Coelho, featured in The Alchemist:

“Well, then, why should I listen to my heart?”

“Because you will never again be able to keep it quiet. Even if you pretend not to have heard what it tells you, it will always be there inside you, repeating to you what you’re thinking about life and about the world.”

“You mean I should listen, even when it’s treasonous?”

“Treason is a blow that comes unexpectedly. If you know your heart well, it will never be able to do that to you. Because you’ll know its dreams and wishes, and will know how to deal with them.”

“You’ll never be able to escape from your heart. So it’s better to listen to what it has to say. That way, you’ll never have to fear an unanticipated blow.”

3. The Twenties is the time for risk-taking, exploration, and experimentation. One of my former bosses once told me, “When you live your twenties without fear, you will live your forties without regret.” He once called me on the phone and gave me a 45-minute pep talk about “going over to the edge of the boat to see how far you can take it before it tips over.”

A few months after that talk, I followed his advice. I resigned from my job, set up my own consultancy, embarked on a freelance writing career, followed my heart and said yes to the man who eventually became my husband. And, yeah, in the process of defining myself I also chose to get a tattoo.

Now that I’m entering my thirties I can look back on all my choices without regret. Some steps turned out to be mistakes in the process, but, for the most part, everything helped me to live my life much more fully, much more gracefully, and truly without regret.

And as for the tattoo, six years later, I still love the design and don’t regret it one bit. Might even get another one after we start having kids!

4. The Twenties will force you to face your fears. Whether it’s loss or failure (or success) or any other place in between, the Twenties will introduce you to some pretty big challenges that you’ve probably never had to deal with ever before. In my case, it was a series of financial struggles and some major life choices that forced me to come to terms with my weaknesses, step up and play on my strengths, and learn to tackle challenges head-on. My struggles also forced me to look at myself squarely in the face, saying, “So, this is what you’ve got before you. Deal with it.”

So I did. I’ve had to deal with some very painful scenarios, but I don’t regret the choices I’ve made so far. Your twenties toughen you up that way.

5. If you let it, the Twenties will introduce you to a different concept of abundance. Money’s great–and necessary–but it TRULY isn’t the end-all and be-all of success. In the process of defining yourself and your priorities you will also get to see that there are some things that money will never ever be able to buy.

A great network of friends, CAUSES and ADVOCACIES that will connect you with the rest of humanity, ACCESS to information and opportunities, the chance for some awesome CREATIVE EXPRESSION, the opportunity to share your story with others… These things prove that when the Universe pays you in kind, it usually pays you a hundredfold.

These are only some of the lessons I’ve learned from my Twenties. YOU will have your own lessons to learn, your own gifts from an abundant and well-lived life. I’ve got so much more to share on this birthday weekend, but since I’ve got a yoga class and an awesome birthday gig to catch, we’ll start things off with this. After all, life begins at 30, as they say, and I’m just getting warmed up.

*Wink*